A pirate looks at 40...or 41

This blog is my attempt to keep myself honest, keep folks up to date on how I am feeling, and how I'm becoming healthier along the way. This is "Project Tree" - madame, please start your engines :)

I guess I've tried to "fix" what's wrong with me, or what I perceived was wrong with me, about a million times over the past 40 years.  I've also been the hardest critic of myself on the planet, & I usually take criticism very personally.  Tough combination when you're a perfectionist with low self esteem.  The other side of me is what could probably be referred to as a selfless martyr.  From my earliest age, I remember being taught by example that you sacrifice & give, no matter what you have, or don't have, to give.  Tough shoes to fill...again even tougher when you're a perfectionist.

So this young lady here is about to turn 41 in a couple of months.  It's taken me about this many years to finally accept that it's OK for me to be me & to put myself & my health first.  What's different this time is I actually believe it, really believe it way deep down inside.  In those dark corners where I might hide from the world, that little girl knows she is worth it.  I know I'll still fall back into some old habits and I'll stumble 50-100-infinity times along the way.  I'm no longer looking behind me at all the time lost due to being sick. 

As a student of history I learned this, you can't change the past.  What you can do is study it, learn from it, and move forward.  I'm finally looking forward to the life I have in front of me.  Guess what...it looks great!