...the answer is Green Tea

So what smells like a combination of freshly cut grass & Chinese restaurant tea?

This is my new found love.  Most mornings now I will have a cup with breakfast & then several during the day at work.  The caffeine doesn't seem to affect me at all, which is good considering the amount being consumed. 

From what I've been reading, green tea is full of anti-oxidants & the base for many diets.  I'm not looking to do a "Fourteen Day Full Body Flush" or a "Pomegranate & Acai Cleanse" by any way or shape. 

It must just be my good fortune.

An ode to a bowl of fruit, pajamajeans, Twinkies, & scales

So I paid no attention to my own horoscope & came home with a car full of groceries from BJ's.  I continue to be amazed at how much of our food is gluten-based.  I think my favorite part was going through the produce section.  Odd, as I'm not much of a veggie eater.  We had edamame for the first time & it wasn't too bad.  Our fruit bowl is overflowing with pears, apples, oranges, bananas, & a pineapple.  Now of course, BJ's sizes are a bit larger than normal so we have enough fruit to feed the 101st Airborne.  My kitchen counter looks like Chiquita Banana's headdress exploded!

We've been bringing carrots or apples & peanut butter as snacks.  A pretty good choice - filling, low calorie, protein.  Also tried Almond Milk - preparing for a potential road down the no dairy route.  Surprised that it only has 1g of protein?  Still need to try some other "milk" options, but this one was not bad when mixed with chocolate...then again, what isn't good when mixed with chocolate?

Mother's Day was the most wonderful weekend.  I had Friday night all to myself and enjoyed a glass of wine, tomato & mozzarella salad, a few chocolates, & Twinkies.  No arguing over the remote & my rated "T" movie choice.  No one looking for a taste of my snacks, other than Jake.  No, the Twinkies aren't gluten free, but I'm not perfect :)  Mother's Day morning I awoke to breakfast in bed - homemade Belgian waffles & a cup of tea.  Again, not on the GF menu, but all made with love by my Katie & my honey. 

Then a new family tradition - poker after breakfast.  Brian won, but not by much.  On Mother's Day, shouldn't Mom win?  Maybe next time. 

As I've been unhappy with my clothes for quite a while but I'm too frugal to go shopping, B & K bought me some great new pajamas - pajamajeans!  They look exactly like a pair of jeans.  We've all had the episode where we've had to sleep in our jeans & it's not a fun one.  These made me do the happy dance.  The perfect outfit when I'm running to put Katie on the bus...the bus driver gave me a chuckle when she saw me one morning in my pink fuzzy pj's. 

After changing into some "Sunday Church Meeting" clothes, we went into Worcester for a great seafood dinner with Mom.  Happy to say that everyone didn't run & hide when I ordered a sushi platter.  Note to self - sushi does NOT do well as leftovers.  I did not try it, just could tell from the look & smell.  It was not as bad as a tuna grinder left on the dashboard, but some memories will never fade away.

I was completely ignoring the scale, all weekend, but when I couldn't button my "fat jeans", I had to look...153. Turning 40 hasn't been fun for my metabolism.  Back to being overly focused on my diet.  For the first time in I don't know how long I'm chowing down on a salad, just lettuce & dressing, but it's a start.  Scale pin, get ready to start moving to the left!

BJs Shopping

Today, I am doing the biweekly shopping at BJ's.  For many you are saying, "Yeah, so what's the big deal?"  Let me tell you.  Shopping on my own is a huge energy drainer & Brian has taken over this task for quite some time now. 

Over the last month I've finally had the energy to go out with Katie after school to run errands.  I'm no longer arguing with the "anxious Tree" telling me all the things that can go wrong & would typically keep me home.  When things happen, I deal with them & move on or I leave things & go home.  Either way, it's not nearly as big as my mind had forseen.  I think I missed some of  these lessons in kindergarten, but better late than never.

Now I am armed with my list, my meal plan, my coupons, my reusable grocery bags, & my debit card. Now if I can stay out of the book section & I'll be all set.

**My horoscope for today:
"Show stability by sticking to your plans and following through with your promises.  Older & younger people in your life will be counting on you and you mustn't let them down, no matter what.  Avoid overspending."

150

Holy Cannoli!!!  Yes, that is what my scale said when at my appointment 2 weeks ago.  Even figuring that this was taken after breakfast, it is still not a number I've seen since I was about 8 months pregnant.  It was quite alarming to say the least.

So I'm almost a full 2 weeks into this and have made some changes.  Hit Whole Foods and, after one breakdown, started trying some gluten-free items:

    pasta (not good - just some things that need wheat),

    bread (not bad, but $8 a loaf),

    corn flakes (good choice),

    muffins (really liked). 

I'm trying to make these changes at a rate that I can easily sustain them.  So I've still had a cracker here and an there, but we have other snacks in the house and at work.  Last night I wanted to hit the bulkies that were in the freezer so much, but I fought it.  You might think this a small victory...but have you ever had Water Street bulkies before - then you'll understand my yearning.

Next item to tackle - a meal plan.  Brian has been after me for several years about this, but I've stubbornly fought him time & time again.  I've been of the mentality that "just have a fully stocked fridge & pantry & the rest is history."  However, it doesn't work that way if you want to eat healthy.  Old habits die hard, but I'm trying to take this one down.

A pirate looks at 40...or 41

This blog is my attempt to keep myself honest, keep folks up to date on how I am feeling, and how I'm becoming healthier along the way. This is "Project Tree" - madame, please start your engines :)

I guess I've tried to "fix" what's wrong with me, or what I perceived was wrong with me, about a million times over the past 40 years.  I've also been the hardest critic of myself on the planet, & I usually take criticism very personally.  Tough combination when you're a perfectionist with low self esteem.  The other side of me is what could probably be referred to as a selfless martyr.  From my earliest age, I remember being taught by example that you sacrifice & give, no matter what you have, or don't have, to give.  Tough shoes to fill...again even tougher when you're a perfectionist.

So this young lady here is about to turn 41 in a couple of months.  It's taken me about this many years to finally accept that it's OK for me to be me & to put myself & my health first.  What's different this time is I actually believe it, really believe it way deep down inside.  In those dark corners where I might hide from the world, that little girl knows she is worth it.  I know I'll still fall back into some old habits and I'll stumble 50-100-infinity times along the way.  I'm no longer looking behind me at all the time lost due to being sick. 

As a student of history I learned this, you can't change the past.  What you can do is study it, learn from it, and move forward.  I'm finally looking forward to the life I have in front of me.  Guess what...it looks great!